I.Love.Life.

Have you ever been extremely excited for something, but at the same time equally terrified?

Because that’s the boat that I’m in right now. I’m leaving for Australia in exactly six weeks, and I’ve never felt so troubled before. I don’t know how to act because in my head, I’m already on the other side of the world. In reality, I am still in Ottawa and I have a life to continue living that isn’t going to stop just because I don’t feel like living it anymore. And it’s not even that I don’t feel like living it anymore, but more that I don’t know how to live it anymore. I’m doing and saying things I wouldn’t normally say, and then I’m having trouble worrying about the repercussions because, realistically, I’m going to be gone in six weeks and after a month of me being gone, everyone will most likely forget I ever existed. That’s just life, when you don’t see people often and they aren’t in your routine of friends to hang out with, you loose track of time and life and it just happens.

I love all of my friends and I’m going to miss them so much, but right now, sometimes the easiest friend to keep happy is JC.. and that’s just because no matter how empty I get or how much I mess up, his love for me will never run dry. His feelings will never be too hurt to take me back. His heart will never stop loving and breaking for me at the same time. 

Then there’s also the fact that I’m already starting to change. Just the thought of going there and how amazing it’s going to be is hard for me to get over. It’s all I can think about. I’m going to come back a changed woman. My whole perspective on life and love and the grace of God is going to be rocked in a way that I can’t even prepare myself for! Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited! But also terrified by how much that is going to change my life forever. And maybe just a little terrified in general..